Maestro's Basement
by K-Hubie
Summary: It’s nutty, it’s disturbing, it’s worth reading... welcome to the crazy weird world of K & C as they make up bizarre little Phantom fantasies to amuse themselves and each other in emails throughout the work day!
1. Maestro's Basement

_**You are formally invited to Maestro's Basement (that is, if he's in a good mood today... And if not, well then, go away)**_

**Hello and welcome to the cheesy side of the moon (Pink Floyd was already occupying the dark side, and it's too... um, well, dark over there anyway.) This crazy dialogue series was created by Karla & Christina, a.k.a. Landscape and Emotion, known individually as Onewind and Simmian7 Christina has stories under TREYnME and Aspen452 as well. Check 'em oot, eh!. We just couldn't resist sharing, and were pondering what kind of reviews such a post would get. It's nutty, it's disturbing, it's worth reading... welcome to the crazy weird world of K & C as they make up bizarre little Phantom fantasies to amuse themselves and each other in emails throughout the work day! How this all started was C's comment on my Gerard Butler image calendar I just made and emailed to her (I made a whole series of them with Microsoft image programs). Then I had a little too much caffeine (wait, what am I talking about? You can _never _have too much caffeine!), and replied with a weird little dialogue scenario, and it just snowballed from there. So get your sled ready for abumpy ride...**

**DISCLAIMER: There are a few references in here to other Phantom stories posted on fan fiction dotNo disrespect is intended to any of those writers or their stories, in fact we liked the stories we mentioned, so don't worry – and please don't be mad at us, 'cause we love you. :) But if it bothers you, you can let us know (but be nice!) and we can modify this insanity accordingly. So drink your coffee and enjoy!**

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**April 14, 2005 _Karla_**

Enjoy May. Mu ha. :) Christina

Omigawd, I think my heart stopped! man o man, unbelievable!

(snatches artwork and runs to her tutor)

Maestro, look at this wondrous piece!

(A pat on my head and I get a phantom cookie!)

_**Karla **_

**-- Only one hour left! ARGH! can she make it! well cripes, she's got no choice, so why bother ask... --**

(Maestro casts exasperated look at his prized pupil's silly friend)

M: _This _is the arteest?

C: Er, em, yes, well – you should see her after hours, Maestro! She's actually rather cool! She just hasn't reached her caffeine quota for the day!-

(Maestro sighs)

M: All right, C, I'll humor you, you have never let me down before, so I'm willing to go out on a limb for you… (sighs again) Cookie, K?

K: No thank you, Maestro, sir, have Starbucks.

(brandishes freaky little bottle containing pale brownish liquid)

(Maestro recoils in alarm, not wanting to be too close to the foul substance, apprehensive of what it may be used for...)

M: Er, o-kay, that will be all… _please _– oh, I mean, please go now, I must continue my work with C…

(Maestro looks around frantically for C, almost fainting with relief when he sees her standing a few feet away, looking at him adoringly)

Ah, yes, em, come along C… we must rehearse! (he says that last with more strength to his voice when he is once again in his element, safely away from the green-eyed weirdo and her questionable little bottle...)

Okay, that was weird... I promise I won't do that again... (nervously slugs more coffee.)

**And thus it began. Obviously I didn't keep my promise, I'd say it's the only one I've broken in many years. But I guess we're glad I did. (shrug; nervously slugs more coffee)**

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**April 19, 2005 – _Karla_**

**-- Christina & Karla are talking about their houses. --**

I still haven't seen your basement... can I can I? (jumps up & down)

(Maestro throws up hands in disgust & turns to walk out)

M: I'll be outside having a smoke, C.

C: I didn't know you smoke, Maestro.

M: I do now!

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**April 22, 2005 – _Karla_**

**-- Karla has been frequently battling obnoxious little illnesses and not going to bed on time; she has just emailed to Christina more stylized collaged colorfully-rendered Gerard Butler calendars. --**

I was so dopey yesterday, crikey; I was _this _close (pinches index finger & thumb together, almost touching) to calling in yesterday, but I'm real proud o' meself, I didn't. :)

(receives pat on back from hand that seems to come from nowhere.)

Thanks, Maestro.

Okay, now before you click on the below attachments (particularly July), make sure you're sitting down, take a deep breath, swig of cold something (water, soda, whatever), & then close your eyes for a moment, then open them slowly so you don't go on overload...

(Maestro rolls eyes.)

M: Oh just drink your coffee, you cheeze puff.

K: Yes, Maestro. (swig)

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**April 22, 2005 – _Christina_ **

**-- Karla has invited Christina and her mom to her apartment to cook them dinner and swoon over Phantom of the Opera stuff. Karla has also just emailed Christina the last of the calendars. --**

Yer cookin'? (turns to Maestro uncertainly; he nods that it's ok)

Alrighty! 7 is fine.

(Maestro quickly taps me on the shoulder and leans in to whisper something in my ear)

Oh, and he approves of the calendars, says you caught his good side.

(more whispering)

He says that you can come down to the basement for a visit.

(he nods then returns to his work)

Oh, and I didn't comment on the calendars. Maestro just reminded me. ahem December, I love it. Red looks so good on him, but I look better on him (aw look he's blushing now), and July...Emmy is great!

Maestro: Yes, she is. Although she portrayed you, my dear sweet C, much differently. She had to choose the FOP, whereas you instantly chose me. (grabs me for a quick snuggle and snog)

C: oh my (melts)

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**_April 22, 2005 – Christina _**

**-- Maestro is a little slow on the uptake with following Karla's & Christina's posts. --**

(Maestro looks up) "Yes, tonight she's to be practicing her voice tonight."

"Er, Maestro that convo was a few posts back."

"Oh, very well then." (goes back to work.)

(Turns to K) "see what happens, he always loses track of time when he's workin' on his music, maybe it's something he wants me to work on tonight."

(Runs off to try and pear over his shoulder only to be shooed off with a mumble of something about a surprise.)

"Hmph. Guess I have to amuse myself till tonight."

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**_April 22, 2005 _**

**-- Karla is short-circuiting at her job, in name blocked to protect the guilty County Health Department's plan review division, which approves people's restaurant designs for legality and sanitation.--**

_**Karla**_

Okay, I'm over here laughing maniacally, obnoxious customers have got me giggling in exhaustion or exasperation or whatever it is... I don't know if I can even drive later tonight... I might just have to sleep it off & tell Nakia to come over at 8 instead of 7...

_**Christina**_

Hmmm oh boy...just don't forget to breathe, girl!

(Maestro shouts from across the room) "I'm not giving her mouth to mouth if she passes out!"

(Shakes my head) "OY!"

**_Karla_**

Shucks. (K pouts) he only gives mouth-to-mouth for you. (sighs with resigned acceptance.) At least he's monogamous. By the way, I'm saving these - dude, we could make a comic book out of it! ;-p this reminds me of those scenarios I wrote a couple months ago with Legolas & Erik & Erik knocking off Elves & telling them they're pansies & whatnot... do you remember that? It was shortly after I first started working here... I have it in my journal under 'Phantom emails...':

_**xxxxxxxxxx** …Yeah, I've thought of doing that: I cut out a lot of magazine pictures for drawing, and I was thinking of either linking the pictures themselves, or when I eventually draw them do so in like fashion, as a comic strip and give them funky dialogue: like have Lucius Malfoy from Harry Potter and Orlando Bloom as Legolas arguing about hairstyles, and then have the Phantom of the Opera looking at them telling them they're both silly blonde pansies and not real men. I heard on the behind-the-scenes antics from Lord of the Rings that the schtick between the actors that played orcs and those that played elves was the orcs would call the elves 'cupcakes' because they're so pretty and well manicured and such. I could have Erik calling Legolas a cupcake before he hangs him don't get me wrong, I _looooove_ Legolas, or something like that. Or they could duke it out musically, to see if the elven lire music of Middle-Earth is better than the Music of the Night, and this battle of the bands could be refereed by the alien from Signs or by Murdoc from MacGyver – I think the latter would side with the Phantom because of stylistic similarities, the whole disguise bit & killing people with pompous flair and whatnot. **xxxxxxxxxx**_

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**_April 26, 2005 _**

**-- Christina comments on one of Karla's previously-mentioned calendar designs, & Karla corrects her which month's one she was referring to. --**

_**Karla**_

…May's calendar is the 'intense angel of music' ;-p --- the one with the stained glass borders & mottled blue-green-black background, with different Phantom shots & one of Dracula 2000 looking up with this stoked, mischievous expression on his face.

_**Christina**_

Dracula, ah yes...I'm sorry, to me that was his best...appearance wise... here's what you do...mix his Dracula hypnotic silent powerful gaze...with Erik's hypnotic powerful voice...then you have a man to die for that doesn't talk (barely does) except for when he sings you lullabies at night or whenever...

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**April 28, 2005**

**-- Karla just got back from lunch with Cindy and Mary Sue. Christina must have mentioned on-the-job boredom or something... (and references to blue note specials, or involving 'bluing' something refer to my beta-reading of an enthralling non-Phantom story Christina is writing.) --**

_**Karla**_

Nope. except these emails, I'm still caught up in my happy-fun little labeling job & catching up on some of my journaling... either tomorrow or this weekend I'll finish throwin' down the blue, word, peace out, let's get jiggy with it, and a flying pair of purple bananas... MAN, what was _in_ that capuccino?

Christina 

M'kay, now I'm afraid...very afraid... are you a pod person?

Who are you an what'd you do to K?

No no Maestro, we don't need the Punjab!

_**Karla**_

No, (sniffle), and I'd just gotten in his good graces with the whole calendar thing... no no, Maestro, me no drink Tim Horton's again... (and dude, it _was_ kinda gross. Man, some places know how to do cold cappu, & some _don't. _blaark.)

(gives Maestro puppy eyes...)

(Maestro falters, sighs & looks back towards C expectantly...)

_**Christina**_

(Reveals from behind me a brand new antique violin, in which Maestro brightens at the sight of it and with a mumbled "thank you", he goes off to the corner to write a song for me.)

"That's better, don'tcha think, K?"

_**Karla**_

Merci, C. (flourishes arm across forehead in a grandiose overly dramatic display of relief; scratches neck nervously.)

Hm, maybe if I compliment him I can get back in his good graces...

K: Maestro? (Maestro pauses a moment, looks up with mild annoyance on his face at the interruption.)

K: Um, Maestro, you, uh, you have _really_ nice thighs!

_**Christina**_

(Maestro blushes in embarrassment) "Why, um...thank you, K. you have, er, um...nice...nice...nice eyes."

(Walks over to K with a smile, reaches behind her ear and magically pulls a flower from it.) "For you."

_**Karla **_

Awww, you're so sweet. (bats eyes at C & Maestro.)

Merci, your marvelousness; the Dukes of Hazard roses have a new friend! (jumps up & down with glee, then calms down quickly so as not to alarm Maestro any further than she already has, then stands on tippy-toes & gives him a quick kiss on the right cheek.)

(NOTE: The Dukes of Hazard rose comment refers to a pair of very potent-smelling orange roses I got from work for Secretaries' Day, and have been carrying on about, and getting high off of.)

_**Christina **_

I smile and don't seem alarmed, especially as Maestro accept your peck with politeness. Then in a gentlemanly manner, he bows to you then takes your hand and kisses it. "It is but my pleasure, Mademoiselle. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to work." (He returns back to his corner with grace and style/confidence.)

"Oh yeah." I add, "Maestro is workin' on a new opera. He won't tell me anything about it yet." (I smirk slightly.)

_**Karla **_

(giggle) Hm, I suppose we should leave him to his masterpiece then... I must go play with my files now... (skips merrily off while paper-clipping Maestro's flower in my hair...)

_**Christina**_

"Ok have fun!"

(Maestro looks up briefly and chuckles at K's antics.) "She already is, C!" he assures me.

Ya know, if we keep this up long enough, we could put this on ff . net...under the humor section...

_**Karla**_

**-- At the mention of posting this on fanfiction . net, Karla perks up. I was just thinking the same thing! She thinks... Hm, it seems Christina and I are in synch mentally as my best bud Nakia and I are... --**

That's cute. :) Oh, I was just thinking that myself! Wow! Welcome to the Karla-Nakia communo-cosmic sister wavelength!

_**Christina**_

The what?

_**Karla**_

Our wavelength. You know, when we're thinking the same thing as each other? Like oh, I was just going to say that. Oh, you believe that too? Oh, that was my next suggestion! Oh, how is it that you keep skipping merrily in and out of my brain without me getting a headache?

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**April 29, 2005 **

**-- Upon request, Karla is thinking of potential soundtrack songs for Christina's enthralling story (the non-Phantom one). --**

_**Karla**_

OH OH OH! BIG fit song to your story: Sheryl Crowe's "STRONG ENOUGH" totally fits! Wouldn't you say, Maestro? (wink-wink nudge-nudge)

'Lie to me, I promise, I'll believe... but please, don't leave...'

_**Christina**_

(Maestro speaks up,) "I'd never lie to her. I'd surely die first!" (Shaking his fist.) "And I'll never leave either. And yes I AM strong enough. So that song is void."

_**Karla**_

Don't take it personal, Maestro. I was referring to C's story characters Jessie & Nick.

(Maestro stops a moment, considering K's words.)

Oh.

(Calmly goes back to work.)

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**May 2, 2005 **

**--There is a yucky smell that keeps rearing it's ugly whiff around Christina's cube, its sinister source as yet unknown... _and_ it's close to lunchtime... --**

_**Christina**_

Oh my...earlier it smelled like that strawberry stuff...now it smells like some sort of garlicy stuff...mmmm smells good, makes me miss that family lunch with the fam in Windsor...man that was so good...(drools)

(Maestro comes in with a food dish) "She drooling again? He asks K. (then shakes his head, and presents the dish) "A meal for my Italian Princess...and for my Indian Princess as well..."

_**Karla**_

(blushes) Si, but I can hardly blame her... I'm starving too! Merci, Maestro. :)

(K turns to C): C, you're adorable. Don't you agree, Maestro?

(Maestro nods vigorously) Who needs the shah's Persian harems when I have two such devoted local enchantresses?

_**Christina**_

"Adorable, eh? looks like I've just graduated from 'cute'!" (I smile brightly.)

(Maestro speaks up,) "No my dear, you're all of the above." (Comes over and gives both his girls a double hug.)

_**Karla**_

Yay, group hug! (K squeezes both her special homies back with gusto)

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**May 5, 2005 – _Karla _**

**-- Karla is reading the Phantom story that Christina wrote, 'Sweet Second Chances', that she really needs to post on fanfiction . net... --**

Ooh, I really like that - 'Show me the rest of your beauty. let me see your face.' The rest of your beauty! Dude, that's friggin' awesome! I think that's hands-down the best line I've read in a PotO fan fiction yet regarding Christine or a Christine-like character wanting to see Erik!

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**May 3, 2005**

**-- Christina has just given Karla a special item she requested Christina to make for her. --**

_**Karla**_

Merci, again, you ultimate rocker you:) That deserves a big snuggle & snog from Maestro!

(like a speeding gleeful cat, Maestro breezes right up to carry out C's suggested reward...)

_**Christina**_

Hmmm how bout we create a new word... snoggle (snog and snuggle) Yeah I like that!

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**May 4, 2005 **

**-- Karla has been nervously reading The Grasshopper's story 'The Innocent' on --**

_**Karla**_

The Grasshopper is scaring me... (whimper) Maestro, make big scary alternate-universe Erik go away, pwease... (sniffle)

_**Christina**_

"There there, K, it'll be alright!" (Maestro pulls K into a comforting hug.)

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**May 5, 2005 **

**-- Karla recommended to Christina that she read twistedmind's 'You Are Not Alone' on and Christina is glad she did... --**

_**Christina**_

I'm all caught up on twistedmind's "You are not alone"...great story! 45 freekin' chaps...when I can barely hit 20

_**Karla**_

So what did you think about the Elisalette revelation? Didn't you just want to dig her out of the rubble & kill her all over again?

_**Christina**_

Yes it is. I dunno if I'd beat her, but I would shake my head at her. Violence is Maestro's territory...

(quickly looks up to see if he heard, but noticed he's too immersed over music paper and the pen is furiously moving)...

...Ok good... But yeah, blind and still screams at his face...total irony! Now we must remove that unnecessary wedge from between our ill-fated lovers.

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**May 5, 2005 – Karla **

**-- Referring to The Grasshopper's 'The Innocent' again... --**

Last night I finished reading "The Innocent" (Bad Grasshopper, _bad!_ (Lightly bats the little bug, not hard but enough to get the point across). What he did in 'The Innocent': the Grasshopper makes him a sociopath with brainwashing powers, like he's not even human, the way he does things... I'm not sure if she's hinting at that he's not human, but some kind of ethereal demonic type entity, it's never really explained, but all the way through, you're like, this guy's not quite human... I was thinking vampire for a while, but he's out in daylight... though in some stories vampires can go out in daylight, just not _sun_light - like if it's overcast or they're inside or wearing enough covering they can do just fine... You know, it's funny: in the original Dracula novel, he _can _go out in the daylight! But he doesn't have his powers, so it's like he shrinks from daylight because it voids his powers... weird. But anyway, you'll see what I mean when you read the story: Christine notices he _never _eats, he takes her through walls, people see him, wonder why he's wearing a mask, but then forget about it and treat him like normal as though nothing's weird about him next time he comes a'callin', Christine sees his eyes at one point are glowing red, and she asks him why they looked like that, and he replies because they _were _like that, and when he looks ready to kill the Nadir-like character, the dude comments his eyes glowed and he saw these weird lights floating in front of him, like Erik's eyes were glowing out at him. It's freaky. I'm surprised I didn't have a nightmare last night. Everything's _implied, _you never know for sure just what the hell he is...

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**May 5, 2005 **

**-- Christina is stoked that she will be meeting Karla's awesome Granddaddy, and will adopt him. Karla has just told Christina a heart-warming but at the same time sad story of how Granddaddy is more like her dad, & that he always wanted a little girl and didn't get one, the daughter he had was stillborn. Karla remarked her Dad is a twin, they're Granddaddy's only two living kids. --**

**_Christina _**

...I've always wanted to be a twin, we would've been evil and always play that switchin' trick that's known among twins...course I do have an unofficial twin...YOU (according to mum.. though I'm the cooler one) LOL

_**Karla**_

Pffth (K gives C a big raspberry) :-p

_**Christina**_

(Maestro oddly timed, looks up from his work) "That wasn't very nice, K. Your manners are not up to par this morning." (C turns pointedly and flashes a 'Ha I told ya' grin.) "And as for you, my dear, you are cool that is true. But you are not cooler." (He rises from his chair and moves over to his two beautiful women.) "In my book, the both of you are equally cool."

"Sorry Maestro." (I humbly apologize to him and he nods in acceptance, plants a kiss on each our cheeks and moves back to his work.)

_**Karla**_

Ooh, snugglies first thing in the morning! Thank you, Maestro! And thank you, C.

Ooh, I'm beautiful. (sniffle) Merci, chukran, & merci'! _(French, Arabic, Persian)_

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**May 5, 2005**

**-- Karla tells Christina about her evil plot for these cooky emails... --**

_**Karla**_

I'm correlating our Maestro emails for continuity, putting a break in where there's subject matter change or it's the next day, & inserting in blocks where necessary a brief statement about what we're talking about so it'll be easier to follow for outside readers... I've titled the file 'Maestro's basement'. ;-)

_**Christina**_

LOL...send me the ongoing file... are we postin' this on ff . net?

_**Karla**_

Yes and yes, mon ami! Let's get a few more pages in, & I'll go back in to my journal and put on their our original Phantom emails, including the scenarios about Erik versus the forces of Middle-Earth & whatnot...

**-- Karla emails Christina the file so far. --**

**_Karla_**

... Man the basement's getting good! I can't wait to re-integrate the stuff I've already got printed out in my journal... This file is 5 pages right now... Here's it so far...

_**Christina**_

...highly amusing at what the reviews'll be.

_**Karla**_

Ooh ooh! I didn't even think about the reviews! That'll be almost as hilarious as creating this! We'll have to anthologize those too for posterity!...

_**Christina**_

That'll be your job...Maestro and I will be too busy...err...um...busy planting trees ...for ecology! Yeah that's it!

_**Karla**_

Hee hee. Happy to oblige -- wink-wink nudge-nudge, say no more...

(K swaps knowing glances with Eric Idle who just walked by)

I shall be the compilation master...

_**Karla**_

Is it 5 yet?

(Eric Idle has left, I can hear him babbling nonsensically on his way out.)

(Maestro shakes his head sadly.) 'He was so much funnier in the 70s', he says with regret.

_**Christina**_

(bursts into a giggle fit)

_**Karla**_

As for translating it to story form, I kind of like it how it is. Some of the stories are written with lots of dialogue, that look like ours kind of... so it's doable. Hey, if they'll post Phantom Crank Yankers no diss meant, I enjoyed that particular piece, then they for sure shouldn't be miffed by ours!

_**Christina**_

Right. Good call! Landscape and Emotion strike again!

_**Karla**_

ROIGHT:)

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**May 6, 2005**

**-- Karla just asked Christina if she's seen any more updates on twistedmind's 'You are Not Alone'. --**

_**Christina**_

I read it though...last night at home! Things are getting hot...way hot...do you like spoilers? I could be inclined to tell you...

_**Karla**_

Ooh ooh, getting hot? About bloody time! No spoilers! Just tell me what chapter number the last update is... Crikey, I may not get to the library tomorrow since we're going up yonder... I'll have to wait 'til Sunday! NOOOOOO! Yeah, yeah, I know - somebody call the wah-mbulance.

_**Christina**_

(Maestro is slipping on his cape to go to lunch with C) "Bloody hell, K! Whining, cursing and screaming doesn't suit you." (He tips his fedora in her direction) "Think of me fondly and it will be alright." (Then walks out the door calling C to follow.)

_**Karla**_

Ah, that's right... Have fun you guys! and thanks for the verbal smack-down, M, I needed that.

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**May 10, 2005 – Christina **

**-- An outdoor concert... --**

Last night, Maestro gave me an outdoor concert. He played some country music, some blues, some Simon and Garfunkel, some of his own stuff...on his acoustic guitar. You didn't know he could play the guitar did ya?

it was one of the rare times he came outside to share with the world. he sang along with some of it as well.

_**Karla**_

Ooh ooh, what prompted him to do so? The weather?

_**Christina**_

yes. It was such a beautiful night. It was awesome!

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**May 19, 2005 – _Karla _**

word of the afternoon:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(says in small voice:) -I need a hug.-(looks around imploringly for Maestro...)

Maestro?... snoggle...? (bats eyes)

_**Christina**_

(Maestro covers his ears then looks up) "What's wrong, my dear K?"

Yeah what's up with the screaming? Me ears hurt now! heheh...

(Maestro comes over to comfort K.)

_**Karla**_

(squeezes Maestro gratefully)

Sorry about the scream; I just feel icky. my legs hurt & I don't know why & I'm just in a b---y mood. Wanna go home... (squeezes Maestro again)

_**Christina**_

Woah, hey now...he's not a plushie! he's fragile...so don't squeeze too hard.

how come you just don't go home?

and Vanna...I'd like to buy a vowel and then I'll solve puzzle... batty?

_**Karla**_

M: I am not fragile. But I appreciate the concern, C. And she's too tired and dopey right now to do me any harm.

K: I'm not squeezing hard. Am I, Maestro?

M: No, my dear, I'm rather enjoying this.

K: So am I! ;-)

I have a plushie at home, I'll go squeeze the hell out of my therapy fish when I get there...

M: Therapy fish?

K: Yes, the therapy fish. C knows about him, I don't think she's met him yet though. He lurks on my bed next to my pillow.

(Maestro blinks rapidly) Oh, how sweet.

K: Yes, he's very fluffy. Like a pet, only he doesn't poop or induce sneezing fits.

M: Ew. Nice visuals.

I've only got another 1 hour & 37 minutes, so I figure I've made it this far, I might as well stay.

M: Shall I make it easier for you? (pulls out antique violin C distracted him with a few weeks ago to keep him from killing me.)

K: Ooh:) (would clap hands, but too tired. Internally claps.)

_**Christina**_

No, I don't think me an the Fishie have been properly introduced. I'm leavin' now...so Maestro is all yours!

_**Karla**_

Gasp! Ooh! (swoons)

(Maestro gracefully steps forward to catch K.)

K says to C: I'll introduce you to the therapy fish next time you come over. I even got Mark to pet him (actually I kind of playfully rubbed him on Mark's arm. :-p )

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**May 20, 2005 **

**-- Referring to abandoned fanphics and their sequels... --**

_**Christina**_

Yeah, I tried contacting her...but seems that her website is gone too... She had an alternate version of stemwinder's "Love Comes to Those Who Believe" on it...

_**Karla**_

Oh crap! See, I thought that story was written real recently like the others put up there - darnit, I was gonna look up the unedited steamy alternate version! but the link doesn't work! Grr! I wanted those scenes, dangit! (Peeerrrrrrvvvvvv...)

_**Christina**_

lol. here's an ice pack!

(Maestro turns away and shakes his upwards,) "Why me?"

(I grab my Esquire mag) "off to read about Ewan now!"

_**Karla**_

(giggles innocently)

It's okay, Maestro. I promise I won't jump your bones when no one's looking.

(Maestro turns around uncertainly...)

Promise? he asks in a small voice.

How 'bout I give you a back rub instead?

(Maestro sits up straighter, regaining his dignity & composure.)

M: Yes, that would, um, be acceptable.

Yay! (K pounces over & goes to town on Maestro.)

(Maestro purrs)

Okay, now you sound like Ayesha. Where is she, anyway?

(Maestro's eyelids flutter back open for a moment.) she's off playing with the therapy fish.

K: Oh. Okay. just as long as she doesn't put any holes in him.

_**Christina**_

bad kitty! falls back asleep. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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**May 24, 2005 **

**-- C is feeling icky at work. --**

_**Christina**_

waahhhhhhhhhhhhh I just sneezed and bit my cheek! and the tape won't hold on my watch!

waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

_**Karla**_

Ouch! My heart goes out to you. I hate biting my cheek... (whimper)...

(Softly floating violin music begins to waft eerily but comfortingly throughout C's room...)

Disembodied voice: Don't cry, my darling Mediterranean angel...

(Maestro seems to solidify out of thin air near C's chair...

(Strong, warm arms wrap around C from behind...)

Close your eyes, and he's there... Inside your mind... soothing, floating, falling, sweet intoxication...

feeeeeeeel... better now? ;-)

I'm transmitting a hug to you too :-) (snuggle) We could all use a good hug at 3pm.

2 more hours! EEEEEEEEEEE! Good news for you: 1 and a half more hours! EEEEEEEEEEEE!

Better news: Maestro is snuggling you from behind... OOOOOOOOOOOOOH...

_**Christina**_

why...yes...I do...a big hearty thanx goes out to K and Maestro!

But uh, Mediterranean? oh wait...I think I get it now...silly me

_**Karla**_

Word! you be welcome, sista. :) Yup... the boot land in the Middle of the Sea... wee, I'd love to be on a boat right now with salty ocean air flowing through my hair... (swiiiiish) wee. :)

_**Christina**_

I'd love a gondola ride through the streets of Venice with none other than Maestro my tour guide...

_**Karla**_

Yeeessssssssssssssss. ;-)

_**Christina**_

tee heee how 'bout...

_- - Antique Violin inherited from Father: $500_

- - Sheet music of classic operas: $175 

_- - Music played by the ever mysterious Maestro: priceless_

"Why carry a tape deck around, when you have Maestro right next to you?"

"Maestro: He's everywhere I wish I could be!"

_**Karla**_

Rad. :)

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**May 26, 2005 **

**-- K and C are once again yacking back and forth about this, that, and the other thing at work --**

_**Karla**_

I might hit the library before going to Granddaddy's to see if there are any new revelations on "You are not alone" - I hope it's not just going to be a filler chapter. I hope they actually get to Ashley's & Johnothan's & Christine sees Erik & they all have a nice little life-altering chat over Earl Grey tea & scones. (except that scones are gross. Have you ever had one? (blecgh)

_**Christina**_

I had a scone before...Dunkin Donuts has them. And I was curious... funny but I don't have a memory of what it tasted like. Anyways it sounds fancy... tea and scones. like tea and crumpets...what's a crumpet anyway?

_**Karla**_

Yes, crumpets... I almost wrote crumpets... I suppose they are another breadish entity... scones are very bland, dry, yucky. They must be made by the same people who boil almost everything they cook. (shrug)

_**Christina**_

hey hurry n finish that POTO drawing...don't make me use Maestro's punjab on ya... (holds up Maestro's punjab--er stolen punjab)

"Now wait just one moment there young lady..." (Maestro comes up to me...)

uh oh...gotta go... (runs away and the chase is on)

_**Karla**_

scones are British. And British people boil their food. That's the stereotype anyway; never been to the Isles, so I have no clue. All I know for sure is that scones scare me.

I was thinking about that today (the drawing, not scones) - yes, if I get the opportunity, I shall work on it this weekend... I know I said that _last _weekend too... (ducks C's wrangling attempts)

'Oh no you don't!' (M jumps on C)

(gasps & reacts to struggle, but then remembers who it is that just jumped on her...)

"Okay that was quick," (M looks down at the limp C in his arms, then realises why he can't breathe...)

(the punjab falls silently to the floor)

(Maestro starts purring again)

Okay, I think I'll just... leave you two alone now...

M: Hmm- what? is there someone else here?... (shrugs & goes back to his snoggle)

(K bends down & picks up the now forgotten punjab lasso)

Ayesha, here kitty kitty kitty!

(said kitty comes bounding out of nowhere...)

(K wiggles lasso in the air, & Ayesha regresses instantly, flops on her back, & starts batting at the big string & mewing happily)

All right, get a room, you two! K shouts over her shoulder, but smiles all the same.

I'm glad to see we're all easily amused here.

_**Christina**_

lol we are in a room! silly... oh I love the craziness!

_**Karla**_

yes, I know that.

(looks at C's neck)

Whoa, what'd you get attacked by a Hoover or something?

(Maestro gets shakily to his feet)

M: E-hem, very funny.

(Ayesha comes & rubs against Maestro's leg, then climbs into his lap as he sits down, looking thoroughly exhausted)

Oh, how I envy that cat... K thinks ruefully.

(Maestro takes string from Ayesha's mouth, still too dazed and pleased-looking to notice what it is, and continues to absent-mindedly dangle it above her fluffy little paws...)

K whispers to C: I think our man - excuse me, your man, that I get to borrow occasionally - needs his beauty sleep. Let's leave him and his little furry friend be.

(C nods, then both enchantresses resume their monotonous typing.)

_**Christina**_

lol, "i don't envy the cat at all..." (suddenly from no where I pull a scarf from my pocket and slip it around my neck.) "izzit cold in here or..." I say as a cover.

_**Karla**_

"That's right, YOU have no reason to", K says dramatically, and good-naturedly sticks her tongue out at C.

_**Christina**_

"hey that's not nice." (but then I stick my tongue back at you.) "I'm kinda tired now." (I sit down in a chair, a large cushiony chair and pass out.)

_**Karla**_

Yes, that's right. I have more reason to envy you than the cat.

(K looks indulgently down at her two sleeping homies. Ayesha is now amusing herself with the punjab by herself.)

Okay, back to typing disapproval letters... Sleep well, all!

_**-- and you too, all you bored people reading this! **_

_**Drop a comment if you liked traipsing around in our addled brains, and if you're nice, you may just get another installment! (gasp) --**_

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_More wackiness to come, so stay tuned!_

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	2. wenchmuffin

**June 24, 2005**

_**Karla**_

Ooh! Guess what I'm doing Saturday? In September on a whim I filled out an application for the Renaissance Festival this year, found the application on the internet, & sent it in. Figured I'd never hear anything, being that it's now June, but the hiring guy called me on Tuesday! I called him back yesterday on my lunch hour, & so I'm going up to Holly – don't look forward to the drive, though, that's for sure – to do an on-the-spot interview, while they're having their open application day. Cool, eh? I could be a wench serving legs o' lamb, or whatever. I'd probably work concessions or some such, so I can call everybody 'my lord' & 'my lady' & ask them if they'd like a mug o' mead with that. _pfth_. :-P

_**Christina**_

Hey, that's real neat! I love that era... the clothes and the language... as well as the art, and the weaponry... lol. If you get it lemme know and I'll con mummy into taking me up there one day.

"Wench, where's my muffin?" (bursts into laughter)

_**Karla**_

My lady, there be no more muffins... would you like a scone? (dodges scone hurled through air at head)

_**Christina**_

Ack, what foul one hath given me thy scone, I am displeased. BAR WENCH! Take this dreadful excuse for a food out of my sight or thee shall feel my wrath. (hmmm I think we're starting something new)

_**Karla**_

Yeah, a little Renaissance scenario series Ooh ooh! Maestro in tight pirate pants with a billowy shirt & a rapier! YES!

_**Christina**_

I think he prefers what he has on now. But you can dress up the Maestro from an alternate universe... he said that was ok.

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**June 10, 2005 **

**_Christina_ **

oh hey I've talked to Maestro and he's agreed to be yours for a while. I'm getting training from Master Obi-Wan now, took a lot of convincing to get to be his apprentice ...ya know after his last one failed miserably and tried to kill him... LOL, er wait, I shouldn't be laughing, that was a tragic thing.

_**Karla**_

Ooh ooh! I get Maestro for a while? I promise I'll be good to him... The futon is quite comfy, you know...

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_**- - - Okay, part two was brief. Well, hey, I just said there'd be one! (sticks out tongue) - - - **_


	3. Dark Angels & their crazy friends

**---Part three: Dark Angels and their crazy friends ---**

September-October 2005

**...Maestro just got back from vacation in New Zealand to relax & try to overcome his writer's block by seeking out & meditating in the places where _Lord of the Rings _was filmed...**

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**--Christina has written a Dark Angel story called 'Special DNA' it's here on f f dot net – read it! It's really good! Karla is complaining about feeling icky, & intends to take the next day off work to convalesce. Which will include reading Christina's story. --**

****

****

**_Christina_**

If you are stuck in bed tomorrow...you can always snuggle up with the therapy fish and a good piece of DA fiction!

****

****

**_Karla_**

yay! My thoughts exactly. Fishy... want fishy now...

And when I come up for air I can ready your story... yay...

gee, being off tomorrow is sounding better & better... :-p

What time you want me to come by? I'm game for watching DA or discussing life, the universe, & everything, trying to make your dog talk, whatever... :-p

_**Christina**_

7. and since my dog's not much of a conversationalist, we shall hide in my room from the horrors of the world (what I usually do) and get our fill of 2019!

_**Karla**_

That's hilarious.

Word - 7 it be.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Oh, wait, still got 31 minutes...

(Maestro walks by & splashes K with water to give her a good old-fashioned Navy barracks wake-up)

_**Christina**_

Oh hey...look who's back!

_**Karla**_

Yeah. And he says we're slackers.

And he can kick Zack's a any day. :-p

(dodges C's swinging arm)

_**Christina**_

Oh see NOW you're giving options of Maestro or Zack. In that case I go with Maestro. Just something about a lullably putting me to sleep, it's just so...soo...sooo... cannot think of a word to describe it

_**Karla**_

Yup. I'd choose Maestro over Logan. :-p

(Logan & Zack sit in corner together giving Maestro jealous looks; Max's keen cat senses pick up on the growing tension in the room & walks in to distract them while K & C get reacquainted with their muse.)

_**Christina**_

I dunno, but I think Maxie might be attracted to Maestro ...'course she might consider him a Nomlie...LOL (unless she's in heat)

_**Karla**_

hee hee! That's funny!

(K shouts:) Hey, Max, boo! You've got yourself two fine men over there, you don't need to increase your harem! We saw him first.

(Max considers for a moment; then gives a haughty shrug) 'Whatever', she says nonchalantly. (She then turns back to Logan & Zack, who are busy looking scandalized.)

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**-- The next day... --**

_**Karla**_

I'm tweaking the Basement right now... here's what we did on Monday.

_**Christina**_

hmmmm our one reader will certainly be surprised!

_**Karla**_

There's two, actually - three reviews, 2 people. Yeah, we'll do it for her. ;-p I'll hold on to it for now though. It's only one page; that's cheezy (I only uploaded 'wenchmuffin' as is because I didn't think we'd go at it again...)

_**Christina**_

Maestro's upset that he doesn't inspire us as much as he used to...

_**Karla**_

Awww... (must think of something soothing to say...)

(K walks over to Maestro & gives him a snuggly from behind, reassuring him it's all good)

K: We were just in a seasonal funk & less hopped up on legal drink stimulants, that's all!

(Maestro looks less glum, & mumbles something about that back rub I gave him a few months ago...)

K: Roight! Just have a seat in my office chair...

(Maestro grins victoriously & gracefully plants himself down for a lunch hour worth of soothing decompression.)

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**-- A few crazy days later... --**

_**Christina**_

Guess what!

"what?"

guess!

"ummm..."

oh forget it, you'd never guess in a million years...

"hey!"

hahah sorry...oh...I have a date.

"a date?"

yes. on sunday. he's taking me to lunch.

"you go girl!"

(smiles)

_**Karla**_

WOW! GO CHRISTINA! Who's the lucky man? Yay Christina:)

Maestro, Max, Logan, & Zack pipe up: 'Go Christina!'

My hand hurts again... it's all achy. wa. I'm very whiny today... I need more coffee.

_**Christina**_

'The gang' says not to cry.

"Whatever you do, don't ask Manticore for help." Zack and Max speak up, while Logan nodds.

"Hey Max, it's your deal!" I wave my arms frantically from my seat at the card table. Zack slaps my hand when I try to peek at his cards.

Maestro calmly walks over to K and grabs her injured arm and begins rubbing it softly. "Is this better?"

"Coffee makes me feel almost human." Max mumbles and chooses a card from the stack. It's old maid and she frowns.

Logan, with the help of the exoskeleton, jumps up, "HA, Maxie got Old maid...she loses." And thusly, she slugs him (not hard though) and he falls over. Zack laughs at him.

_**Karla**_

Thanks, Maestro. ;-)

(K starts purring)

Dude, & it got weirder over here too... it's been a whack-a afternoon... If I didn't know for a fact the full moon was a few days ago, I'd say that must be it... It must be all this crazy tsunami / hurricane / glacial melt crap that's going on around the globe... it must have a similar effect to the full moon tidal mental equilibrium whacker...

'Mental equilibrium whacker? Is that something Manticore patented?' Zack pipes in, looking bewildered but concerned.

'No, it's something _you_'ve been hit with too many times,' K responds, helping Logan to his feet.

****

****

**_Christina_**

"How weird has it been?" Logan asks, while greatful for the aid to get back standing. "Eyes Only migh wanna check into that."

"Hey Miracle Boy, you don't need to do that, we all know you're Eyes Only." I replied and lightly slapped the back of his head.

"Maybe Manticore brainwashed them!" Max chimes in. "They did it to Brin, so it's possible." She shrugs, throwing the Old Maid card onto the table, like its diseased or something.

****

****

**_Karla_**

Dude, Logan, haven't you been watching the news? Now I know you don't get out much these days, but still... You can practically feel it in the air...

(Maestro stops mid-deal, looks around nervously...)

I swear I had nothing to do with it... (looks around nervously again)

Dude, where did you get this guy? He's really creepy... I like him, Zack proclaims.

Get away from me, you silly boy... you look like Raoul. (Maestro scoots away from Zack, accidentally brushing up against Max.)

'You know, for a Nomlie, honey, you're actually kind of sexy...', she purrs.

K & C jump up simultaneously: 'Don't even think it, girlie! You may be stronger than us, but we're bigger than you! We'll sit on you!'

****

****

**_Christina_**

"Uh oh." (C eyes Max suspiciously)

"If she's in what I think she's in...then I prefer to steer clear of her. Sorry Maestro, you're on your own."

****

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**_Karla_**

(Maestro looks at Max nervously) 'Um, should I be worried...?'

'So, cellar dweller, how's your stamina?' (Max wiggles her eyebrows suggestively)

'I beg your pardon, mademoiselle, but I am in excellent shape for my age --' Maestro stops, eyes get big as realization dawns on him. 'Oh - uh oh... Um - wait! I'm monogamous! Well, eh...' (looks at C & K) 'bi-nogamous?'

(Max is staring intently, like Ayesha eyeing fresh fish.)

(Suddenly a burst of red smoke goes off, & Maestro disappears.)

'Crap! I hate it when he does that! It messes up my stylishly mussed hair!' Zack exclaims.

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End file.
